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Oh, you have got to be kidding me!??!?!

August 8, 2010

How is this even possible.  After a pathetic initial offering in the fitness video game market, and a marginally improved second shot, Jillian Michaels is at it again with Fitness Ultimatum 2011!

That isn’t surprising.  In fact, it is to be expected.  If there are any dollars to be gotten in the fitness industry, Jillian Michaels and her business partner Giancarlo Cherisch will sniff them out and find some way to get them from you.  Even as we speak they are devising new cruises, equipment, games, tv shows, books, diet pills and supplements,ostensibly acting as ” life architects whose sole mission is to inspire individuals to empower themselves to seek healthier, active lives”.  Ya, right, I believe that.  After all, selling diet pills and cleanses as the first act as the architect tells me you have some pretty lousy plans to inspire and empower others.

The thing that really bothers me about Fitness Ultimatum 2011 is:

Fitness Ultimatum 2011 features a story-based Adventure mode where Jillian and the player use their fitness skills and nutrition expertise in a series of missions to shut down Cureall, an evil food and drug corporation set upon world domination.

Seriously!?!?… Jillian Michaels is fighting against an evil food and drug corporation set upon world domination…  That doesn’t sound like her at all.  In fact as I have pointed out after doing an extensive amount of research, Jillian Michaels herself is in bed with a company that even a member of congress is characterizing as an evil food and drug corporation (you can read more here and here).  This is so bizarre, so pathetic as to make me think I am living in the twilight zone.  Is she not aware that we will smell out the hypocrisy here???

Maybe I am misunderstanding this whole thing.  Maybe there is a post modern twist to the game.  In some Matrix meets Inception twist, you will be going through the action game, as Jillian Michaels, defender of health and goodness the world over,  killing Cureall operatives (2o arm chops per operative) and as you make it to the CEO’s office (run on sport for 1 minute), and kick in the door (20 leg extensions), you are confronted by the back of a large leather chair on the other side of a huge mahogany desk.  As the chair slowly turns towards you, you see yourself in the chair, Jillian Michaels, CEO of Cureall.  She says, “You remind me of someone… a woman I met in a half-remembered dream. She was possessed of some radical notions” as you feel the kick and the screen fades to black…

Damn, what was I saying, this could be the best video game ever!!!  Mind you, your first hint you were up against Jillian’s empire would have been fighting against Giancarlo Cherisch, Natalie Chevreau, and  Daniel B. Mowrey in the previous boss levels…

One last thing that gets to me about this press release is this:

Jillian Michaels: Fitness Ultimatum 2011 is the only official video game series developed by Jillian Michaels.

Many of you may not know that I was in the video game development industry awhile back.  The thing is, I have a pretty good idea of how hard it is to develop a video game.  I have a very good idea of the long hours, the hard work and the remarkable creativity and brain power that goes into one of these, so when celebrities state that they develop a video game (or for that matter a cleanse, or a proprietary weight loss blend or whatever) it makes me angry.  I am so sick of megalomaniacal celebrities that actually act like they believe the load of crap they are selling.  In reality, a lot of hard working people will actually develop this product, and Jillian Michaels may show up for a few days of video compositing and possibly fitness moves in a special suit and next thing you know everyone is claiming that she is the developer.

The sad fact is, I like Jillian Michaels the trainer.  I liked her initial lack of empathy and understanding of the fat people on the Biggest Loser.  The way when they said “I can’t”, she looked at them with a blank stare like they were speaking a different language, and then she would rip into them, tearing down whatever walls they had to pushing themselves (you would be amazed at how effective that can be for getting fit).  That was before she became the fat whisperer and could not only empathize with the overweight, but moreover, could pinpoint the tragic moment when they were ‘damaged’ and began this detrimental lifestyle, thus freeing them from the burdens they suffered under and allowing them to be fit once again.

So, given my initial impressions of her, I am sad to see that under the Empowered Media brand she keeps putting out loser product after loser product.  Here’s to hoping for some wins in her future, while she still has a few minutes of fame left in her.  After all, we could all use some good products in the health and fitness category.

You can see the original press release here.

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