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Weekly Round Up

April 14, 2010

The Onion News Network

The onion is probably a victim of its own success.  After years of putting out ironic stories, they just don’t appear as funny as reality any more…  That said, they have turned theirs attention to the Onion News Network and it is brilliant.  This made me laugh today…

Apparently I can’t embed swf files, so if the video does not show up for you, try this link:,14257/

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<br /><a href=”,14257/”>’Cosmopolitan&#8217; Institute Completes Decades-Long Study On How To Please Your Man</a>

Who knew I would be proud of Britney Spears for supporting realistic expectations of women’s body image…

Apparently Britney Spears has allowed the publishing of pre-touched up images of her in a bathing suit.  Bravo Britney, welcome to the right side of the body image debate, and what a great way to join the good side!!  Click on either of the images for the whole story and  more shots.

I hate Pop Culture Magazines again this week…

Seriously, get bent Life&Style Magazine!  Why in the world do you think I would care about how Kourtney Kardashian lost weight.  I don’t, and neither should anyone else.  Please think about this for a second.  How is her life like yours?  Are you going to have access to the same trainers and gyms?  Are people going to bend over backwards to help you on your weightloss journey?  What about all of your other responsibilities, do they depend on you looking good in a bikini?  If not, then forget about her diet.  Her diet is called the ‘Rank Desperation of a B List Celebrity To Stay In the Public Eye’ diet.

It is most effective when you can get a magazine cover to pay you money to wear a bikini in a picture.  This really works when you have a before picture that isn’t nearly as attractive.  I think Kourtney had a kid recently (although I am not sure, but I think one of them did and the other got married or something).  This is the goldmine of screwing us unfit people by the way.  If that is her post pregnancy picture in the exclusive before shot, then she looked great during her pregnancy.

By now you know I was tickled pink by the flat stomach in days line.  Seriously whoever wrote that is a lying scum bucket trading on our insecurities, making the world a worse place for everyone but themselves  and should rot in hell.  After seeing the Britney photos as well, what do you want to bet that the den of liars at Life & Style magazine aren’t using touched up photos…

Fit people don’t have a hard time losing weight fast by the way.  As well, motivated celebrities do it very quickly.  Odds are though, you aren’t like either of those classes of people, so stop funding their diets (you buy the magazine, the magazine buys the image from Kourtney, Kourtney works out like a demon to sell her picture to the magazine, and voila, you are paying a vapid celebrity to lose weight for you.  I hope that makes you feel better), and start living smarter, healthier and better.

First things first… step away from the terrible magazine.

Finally, I Think Dr. Pepper Is Ignoring Me

So, I bought a Dr. Pepper the other day with a, every bottle wins! banner across the top of it.  I had no idea what I won, but I was betting it was some small food item or something.  Okay, actually it didn’t really dawn on me that this had to be a scam, because what real prize could they give to everyone who bought a bottle.

Once I remember in highschool there was a ‘1/3 bags of chips has a free back of chips voucher in it’ promotion for lays potato chips.  I swear it was like a neverending bag of chips.  Even at the 1/3 winners, it felt like every bag was a winner…  Seriously.  I still remember that week long promotion even after all these years.

So, I enter the online code, sign up and get this message…  How can every bottle win and I am told I did not win this time?!?! I was hurt.  I asked Dr. Pepper to explain this, but I have heard nothing back…   They did give me a free X Box Theme though.  I think they think that is a prize… it might be, but I have no idea.  If it is as stupid as a firefox theme only for the X box, than that isn’t winning….

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