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I hate Pop Culture Magazines (Part III)

April 1, 2010

Seriously dude, lying to sell  magazines isn’t cool:

This is the exact same cover that you keep selling.  I have commented on this before, and so have others.  Your response is that you only put this ‘fake’ cover on your magazines that are sold in the stores.  The home magazines get the actual cover that tells people what is inside.  You defend yourself by saying that these cover fabrications sell magazines and you sell more copies when you put them on there.

Guess what, anyone who lies about their product so they can sell it is  a con man, a liar and a thief.  Lying to make money is terrible.  It is wrong.  I hate you for your hyperbole, and I don’t buy your magazine.  What about the people who do buy your magazine?!!?  You are ripping them off.  How do I know you are full of shit by the way, aside from you admissions to putting covers with buzzwords on them to sell magazines??!?

Because you keep offering more benefits, in quicker and easier fashions…  You weren’t happy enough with the secrets to six pack abs… no, you had to make them easy six  pack abs… wait a minute, easy is good, but fast, now fast is better.   I bet you were thinking, if I put fast in front of abs, I will sell another 100,000 copies.  Fact is you probably will, but that just makes you a more vile profiteer!

Thanks for the sex guarantee tonight, but I am sure that your magazine isn’t going to get me or the millions of readers guaranteed sex tonight…  What is the guarantee by the way?!?  Is it a money back guarantee or do you send a hooker over to every guys house who complains that they couldn’t get sex by midnight??  I couldn’t be bothered to check in your worthless rag of a magazine what you actually mean by guarantee, but if I am back in 7-11 later today, I might spend a few minutes of my day finding out.

By the way, what are you going to offer next.  You keep upping the outcome that reading your magazine will deliver.  Now I can incinerate belly fat, that is so much better than just losing it.  I can have guaranteed sex tonight, not next week, or tomorrow, but TONIGHT!!  My home workout is down to 15 minutes.  You are offering 20 grab and go power foods, as opposed to the 8 or 10 less portable power foods you have offered in the past.  9 days until I see new muscles… wow, this magazine is like a dream come true… or not…

Seriously, what are your next offers?  Will you do like other magazines and sort of admit a, ‘diets just don’t work, and abs are hard to get, so don’t be disappointed by our past efforts, because here are REAL fast abs that work’ kind of thing?

Speaking of which….

As opposed to the other diets you advertise on your cover????

I can’t count how many diets you have put on your cover, obviously, useless diets each and every one, because  these are the diets that work!?!

Why? because Brittany Spears and Kim Kardashian are both relatively thin and fit women and this what they do?!?!  I don’t care what they do and neither should anyone who wants to lose weight.  These are celebrities who need to be thin to make money.  They need to look like that and they don’t have any of the daily grind issues or money issues that you and I do.  They could work out 6 days a week with a great personal trainer at any time that works for them and they would be lauded as being smart and fit people.  If you spent that kind of money or time for a personal trainer, I am willing to bet something in your life would have to give.  Don’t judge a diet based on if it works for a given celebrity or not.  It isn’t like they took a diet and tried it on a celebrity.  That is completely different by the way than finding thin people and asking them what they do.  They put pictures of relatively thin people on the cover of their magazine and then post what they claim they do to lose weight.  That is pathetic.

So often the people on the magazine are just blessed with a great body or they work really hard.  Almost every time the people are relatively young.  Every single time the people have almost nothing in common with you.  These aren’t diets and you shouldn’t be buying rags like these.

As well, so often these people end up fat the next year or it turns out they had an eating disorder or a drug addiction.  You have no idea what these people are really doing, so don’t base anything you do on their claims of what they do.  This was just another chance for a magazine to put bikini pictures of Britney and Kim on their magazine so they can sell more magazines.

Ok! Magazine, this isn’t OK! It is crap.  You are parasites feeding off of our insecurities and our inability to lose weight.  Please stop.  Please start helping people and stop printing these covers…

3 Comments leave one →
  1. April 1, 2010 8:06 pm

    Okay, I should have added “and humor.” Not that the subject matter is in ANY way funny–but your rant did make me chuckle a couple of times. Rock on. You’re so right.

    • YouAreNotAFitPerson permalink*
      April 6, 2010 11:53 pm

      I am glad you appreciated… I am definitely trying for a certain level of humor, but I end up getting so annoyed…

  2. Corrie permalink
    April 8, 2010 9:32 am

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!! This is all that ever goes through my head – which I typically don’t vocalize – when I see people I know reading magazines like this on a regular basis…and thinking that any of their content could actually be useful/true. Which I’m sure 99% is not in and of itself. Reading this totally made my day. Thank god I’m not the only one.

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