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I hate pop culture magazines (part 1)…

January 25, 2010

This is part one of a many part series on my hatred of fashion, exercise, and pop culture magazines.  These things aren’t worth the cheap paper they are printed on.  We all know it.  They distract us from everything important; they ask and answer the stupidest questions about things we wouldn’t even bother our minds to think about were it not for them;  they put bald faced lies on their cover and end up giving us made up anecdotes from Christine in Pittsburg and Tom in Miami to ‘prove’ their idiotic claims.

Like soap operas, we all know how stupid they are, yet when we stop moving (in the case of magazines, as we wait in line at the cash register, or for soap operas when we sit on the couch), we are somehow caught in their tractor beams of pop culture drivel.  I am surprised that the magazine industry hasn’t found a way to stop the self check outs at grocery stores.  Those things will destroy the impulse magazine industry, which is to say, all pop culture magazines should be concerned… very concerned.

So, yesterday when I was standing in line getting hamburger buns, tomatoes and lettuce I came across this cover:

OKAY, A DISCLAIMER HERE:  WHEN I SAW THE COVER I THOUGHT IT WAS HEIDI MONTAG.  TURNS OUT THIS IS A PICTURE OF HEIDI KLUM!!  APPARENTLY I AM A LITTLE OUT OF TOUCH WITH TODAYS CELEBRITIES!  I EVEN LOADED UP A CURRENT PICTURE OF HEIDI MONTAG TO BE SURE THAT IT WAS HER.

I STILL CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE.  So the rest of this post is missing a little of its bite I think.  FIRST I OWE INSTYLE A BIT OF AN APOLOGY BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T PUT A WOMAN FAMOUS FOR 10 PLASTIC SURGERIES ON THE COVER WITH THOSE HEADLINES.  Still, it is only the smallest of apologies because they put a woman who is often considered the most beautiful woman in the world between those headlines.  It would have been great had it been Heidi Montag, but it is still painfully good being Heidi Klum.

Even with my limited knowledge of who Heidi Montag is (my kids babysitter tried to get me up to speed on the Hills, but it was lost on me), I didn’t miss the recent buzz about her undergoing 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day.  This is after having her breasts enlarged and a nose job 3 years ago.  I didn’t know that she had these operations before, but I did think that she had an unnaturally amazonian beauty.  None the less, she clearly was strikingly beautiful.  To hear that she has been beyond obsessed for 3 years about ‘improving’ her looks is downright disturbing.  If we need any warning signs that we have unrealistic expectations of beauty, this is one of them.  These warning signs are disturbing because of unrealistic expectations placed on us by magazines such as InStyle magazine with digitally improved celebrities and ridiculous tips.

I am actually not annoyed that Heidi Klum is on the cover, but I am annoyed because of the headlines that they have chosen with their cover girl.  Love Your Shape: Tricks to Play Up Your Best Assets and Look Better Naked: 10 Easy Tips….  Is this a satire magazine….  Am I looking at the Onion and I just haven’t realized it???  You have on the cover a girl who has was stunningly beautiful and then underwent a breast augmentation and In Style magazine is suggesting that they have some great tips to play up your assets….  Are they kidding?

So, In Style, what are you tricks?  Some make-up?  Maybe a push up bra?  Do you not see the blindingly daft contrast between everything we know about supermodels and the supposed simplicity of that headline?  How about the 10 easy tips… are they a list of ways to look like a supermodel. I have a tip for the readers of the magazine.  If you want to be happier with your body naked, STOP LOOKING AT PICTURES OF HEIDI KLUM ON THE COVER OF THESE MAGAZINES!!  In Style, Do you not realize that putting photographs of supermodels on your cover, photographs that have been unrealistically touched up to look even more perfect than the person in real life, and putting this between tips on how dress up our best assets is somewhat obscene.  Your solution to all of our body image problems that you have helped create is to give us some tips on wearing our clothes a little differently??!?!?

Is it a case of the blind leading the blind, or in this case, the stupid leading the stupid?  I don’t think so, but we need to start demanding more of our media sources or we will end up babbling idiots.  To quote Bobby Kennedy Jr, “We are becoming the best entertained and worst educated society in history”.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Heir of Words permalink
    January 25, 2010 6:46 pm

    “Bobby Kennedy Jr, ‘We are becoming the best entertained and worst educated society in history.'” This is frighteningly honest and truthful. These magazines are damaging to self-esteem and they are distracting consumers from the important issues in the nation and aorund the globe. How has the majority of media slipped onto such a slippery slope of cosmetic focused improvement?

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